Directed by: Bill Condon
Written by:Melissa Rosenberg
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli, Ashley Greene
Released: November 17, 2011
Grade: C

Dial 000.  A crime is currently in progress.  This weekend, millions of people around the globe will be conned into handing over their hard earned cash to see a film with no plot, no action and no climax.  I’ve been generally “ok” with the earlier movies but The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 will most certainly be regarded as the weakest in the franchise.

Bella gets married.  Bella has sex.  Bella gets pregnant.  That’s a two hour movie summed up using just nine words.  The film’s lack of suspense shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.  We saw this happen exactly a year ago with the release of Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows.  The book was split into two parts with the sole purpose (I don’t care what anyone else says) of generating additional revenue for the studio.  We were left with a dull part one and a much more exciting part two.

I haven’t read any of Stephenie Meyer’s novels but I’d heard from a friend that Breaking Dawn was a little more “adult” than the earlier books.  The promise of steamy sex and a demonic vampire baby did grab my attention.  Perhaps this series was finally going to deliver some serious action and move away from its tiring, melodramatic romance.

That hasn’t been the case.  I’m not sure whether Australian censors got their hands on any scenes but I found the bedroom sequences short and weak.  You never get a sense of the deep (probably shouldn’t have used that word) connection between these two characters.  Things didn’t get any better during the film’s post honeymoon phase.  Kristen Stewart gets off the bed… and moves to the couch where she nurses her bloated stomach and tries to look as sickly as possible.  “Dull” is the first adjective that comes to mind.

There’s some weird stuff going on between Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) in this instalment but for some odd reason, it’s not a focus of the screenplay.  Jacob ends up providing most of the emotional support to Bella whilst Edward stands around feeling sorry for himself.  It’s all very strange if you ask me.

I know it’s short but I think it’s time to wind up this review.  I could follow in the film’s footsteps and drag it out for a while.  I could even suggest that a better review awaits when the second film comes out next year.  I could… but I won’t.  It’s just not right.