DOA: Dead Or Alive

 
Directed by: Corey Yuen
Written by:J.F. Lawton, Adam Gross, Seth Gross
Starring: Jaime Pressly, Holly Valance, Sarah Carter, Natassia Malthe, Devon Aoki, Eric Roberts
Released: September 7, 2006
Grade: C-

As expected, this film was awful.  I’d had enough after the 10 minute introduction which featured more special effects than actual live footage.  The special effects didn’t look any good either.  As per the closing credits, the cast included Jaime Pressly, Sarah Carter, Devon Aoki and Australia’s own Holly Valance.  Once you’ve seen the film, you’ll understand why I think their whole performances were computer generated.

Based on yet another computer game, DOA: Dead Or Alive sees 16 of the best fighters from around the globe face off in a major tournament.  It is held on a remote island and run by a man known as Donovan (Roberts).  First prize is $10m but for some strange reason, there’s no media coverage.  Surely Mr. Donovan could make plenty out of endorsements!

The three leading female competitors are Tina (Pressly), a strong wrestler, Christie (Valance), a seductive thief, and Kasumi (Aoki), a Japanese princess.  Don’t think there’s any realism to this story because the “moves” that these three women have defy belief.  My best analogy would be to call it as a cross between Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and a straight-to-video Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

I like to give ever movie a fair chance but it’s hard to see DOA: Dead Or Alive having much appeal to anyone but fans of the computer game.  If you’re going along because you’ve seen the ads where the women are scantily clothed, think again.  There’s no nudity whatsoever.

Everyone I’ve spoken to about this movie has groaned at the mere mention of its name.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there’s no substance.  I’ve seen it, confirmed that it stinks, and now that this review is complete, will never have to think of it again.