Fantastic Four


Directed by: Tim Story
Written by: Michael France, Mark Frost
Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon
Released: July 7, 2005
Grade: C

I really wish I had written a comic book.  I would then have Hollywood studios at my footsteps begging for the rights to turn it into a movie.  It wouldn’t have to be a good comic book either because all the half-decent ones have already been transferred into a cinematic form.  Who cares if the movie turns out to be garbage?  I’d be stinking rich!

Fantastic Four is one of the worst films of 2005.  I didn’t expect much based on the trailers but not even I could foresee such a pitiful script.  If you’ve seen the film you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about when I ask – what was the point of this?  There is no story here at all!  It’s a two hour long introduction to the characters that never goes any further.  Save your money and wait for the inevitable sequel.  If we’re really lucky, this film will tank at the box-office and the concept can be cremated.

Five scientists/astronauts travel to a space station and are exposed to some inter-galactic radiation which alters their DNA.  They now find themselves with superpowers and about half-an-hour is wasted watching them develop their new abilities.  The reason they are only the Fantastic “Four” is because one of those exposed becomes the villain – Victor Von Doom (McMahon) wants to take over the world!  Muhahahahaha.

Reed (Gruffudd) can bend his body into any shape, Sue (Alba) can become invisible, Johnny (Evans) can turn himself into a fireball, and Ben (Chiklis) has super-human strength.  They comprise the Fantastic Four but I found them all so unbelievably dislikeable.  Johnny is easily the most annoying but I’ll understand if you have your own choice as to which is the biggest jerk.

I’m finding it hard to elaborate more on the plot because there isn’t much more to say.  There’s a cheesy romantic subplot but that’s about all I can think of.  When you compare it against some of the better comic book adaptations in recent years such as X-Men, Spider-Man and the new Batman, you’ll have an appreciation for where I’m coming from.

Fantastic this is not.