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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 13 March 2006

A family has been murdered in brutal fashion.  It is horrific because there is no murder weapon.  What does that mean you ask?  I don’t know because we don’t find out.  All this goes on behind the opening credits which take forever to finish.  The film is only 87 minutes long and I sensed this introduction was included simply to make the film longer.  Without it, it would clock in shorter than Chicken Little.

The real film then begins and we and our feature character is Jill Johnson.  She’s been grounded by her parents and her car and mobile phone privileges have been taken from her for one month.  So whilst her school friends are partying at some bonfire, Jill finds herself on a babysitting assignment.  She was dropped there by her dad (hence no car) and the home’s owners won’t be back till after midnight.  Did I mention that the house is deep in the woods with no one for miles around?

Then, the phone calls start.  After a few red herrings (regular phone calls), Jill starts getting some creepy calls from a man who says very little.  He’s watching her from somewhere and Camilla starts freaking out.  Where is he and what is he planning?

When A Stranger Calls is a disappointing thriller that never lives up to its possibilities.  The film hasn’t received my full wrath because there were moments where I did feel suspense and wonder how it might end.  For a split second I thought the film could be redeemed with a slick finale.  This didn’t occur of course and I’m still scratching my head about the limp ending.  What was the point of the scene in the hospital?

Few legitimate questions are answered.  Why did this guy choose to stalk her?  How did he get the phone number?  How did he get in the house?  How did he get in the guest house?  How did kill her friend and get her upstairs?  How did the housekeeper get killed without a peep?  Why did she answer the phone in the first place considering it’s not her home?

The film is a remake of a 1979 film starring Charles Durning and Carol Kane.  There was even a TV sequel made in 1993 called When A Stranger Calls Back.  Well if this stranger calls back again, I won’t be answering!

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 04 March 2006

Hustle & Flow follows in the footsteps of 8 Mile and Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ by focusing on one man’s dream to rise from the slums and make himself as a musician.  An average day in the life of Djay (Howard) sees him selling drugs and pimping friend Nola (Manning) as she prostitutes herself on the streets of Memphis.

With a little luck, Djay gets the chance to turn his life around.  He bumps into old school friend named Key (Anderson) at a convenience store and together, they decide to put a demo tape together.  Key has the recording equipment and Djay has the lyrics and the voice to pull it off.  Both of them see it as their chance to find fame and fortune.

Hustle & Flow was written and directed by young director Craig Brewer.  His initial script was good enough to attract the attention of acclaimed director John Singleton (Boyz In The Hood, 2 Fast 2 Furious) who put up his own money to see the film produced.  His faith in the story was rewarded when it went on to win the audience award at the Sundance Film Festival, which celebrates independent cinemas, in 2005.  Previous winners of this award have included The Station Agent and Hedwig & The Angry Inch.

The film’s best quality is the wonderful performance given from Terrace Howard who could be considered the most impressive actor of the last 12 months after his roles in Ray, Crash and Four Brothers.  He received a well deserved Academy Award nomination for best actor for his performance in Hustle & Flow.  The film has also been nominated for best song.  I still can’t get Three 6 Mafia’s song “It’s Hard Out There For a Pimp” out of my mind.  Don’t you just hate that?

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 11 March 2006

A History Of Violence is a craftily written film where you never know what’s around the corner.  Tom Stall (Mortensen) is quiet, softly spoken man who lives in a sleepy American town.  It’s the kind of place where everyone knows everyone and nothing newsworthy ever happens.

That is until two gangsters stop off for coffee (and money) on their way through.  They are heavily armed are try to hold up Tom and a few customers inside the diner.  Tom instinctively reacts and manages to kill them both before they have the chance to do likewise.

Tom is now a hero.  Those at the diner knew they wouldn’t have survived without his bravery.  The story is all over the television and makes the front page of the newspaper.  He is applauded and thanked by people he meets in the street.  Tom is grateful but he just wants to return to his standard life – working hard and spending time with his loving wife, Edie (Bello), and two children.

This will not happen.  The life he has forged will not be the same again.  The arrival of three more gangsters will see to that.

For acclaimed director David Cronenberg (eXistenZ, Spider), this is his most commercial film in many years.  That said, he still likes to push the envelope.  The violence is extremely graphic and the sex scenes are quite explicit.  You could tell from the reaction from the audience at my screening that they were definitely caught off guard.

Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello are terrific in their roles but the more memorable performances come from the supporting cast.  William Hurt appears in the film for less than 10 minutes and yet managed to earn an Academy Award nomination.  Even better is Ed Harris who remains one of America’s most underappreciated actors.  Whether he’s playing a good guy or a bad guy, Harris nails each and every role.

The film is serious in nature but there’s an underlying comedic tone when lends itself more to the black comedy genre.  However you classify it, this is one original film you really should see!

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 28 February 2006

Firewall is like non-fat yoghurt.  Anything which might make it enjoyable has been removed.  If it didn’t star Harrison Ford, you’d be sure it was a B-grade “direct to video” release.

Films about cyber-crime are hard to make attractive.  Take Swordfish as example.  Not even Halle’s “berries” could save it from a critical savaging.  The central character is Firewall is Jack Stanfield (Ford), an IT security guru at a large bank.  To introduce him, we see Jack help a colleague stop an online hacker from cracking into their bank accounts.  He uses cool techno jargon which leads us to believe that he’s one experienced guy.  Don’t ask me what it all means.

The thrills soon begin when Jack and his family are taken hostage in their own home.  The ringleader of the operation is Bill Cox (Bettany) and he has a very specific plan for Jack.  If he wants to see his family live, Jack must crack into his accounts of his bank’s largest clients and transfer a total of $100m to Bill’s secret off-shore bank account.

Jack doesn’t want to co-operate and he tries to pull a few tricks from his sleeve.  None of them work and if you ask me, they don’t make much sense.  He’s putting his own family at extreme risk and I’m surprised he’d take so many chances.  Why not let them steal the money, lodge an insurance claim and then let the authorities search for them?  Perhaps he thinks he’ll be killed regardless of what he does but I still think his actions contradict the kind of man he is.

There’s a scene late in the film where Jack loses his family and then thinks of a “creative” way of locating them.  I won’t give it away but so moronic was this moment, the audience in my cinema were both laughing and murmuring.  I kept my mouth shut and simply rolled my eyes.  It got no better after that.

Harrison Ford is showing his age and his tired, monotonous voice reminded me of his disappointing appearance in Hollywood Homicide (with Josh Hartnett).  Statisticians consider him the most successful actor of all time (based on box-office).  You’d think that with such a reputation, he (or his agent) could find better scripts.  I guess not.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 09 March 2006

The following is an extract from an imaginary interview between myself and Steve Martin.

Matt:     “Steve, thanks for joining us this evening.”

Steve:   “No worries, Matt.”

Matt:     “According to the Rotten Tomatoes website, only 20% of leading U.S. critics gave The Pink Panther a positive review.  What’s your feeling?”

Steve:   “Critics aren’t always right.  The public are the true judge of any movie.”

Matt:     “But according to the Internet Movie Database, the film has averaged only 4.7 out of 10 based on over 3,000 votes from the public.  What do you say to that?”

Steve:   “That’s distorted by fans of the old Pink Panther movies who realised this wasn’t as good and gave it only 1 out of 10.  The strong box-office figure shows what the public really think.”

Matt:     “Are you referring to the film’s $70m take so far?  I wouldn’t call that too satisfying when the film cost an unexplainable $80m to make.  Cheaper By The Dozen and Bringing Down The House made twice as much.”

Steve:   “Look, I see what you’re trying to do.  You’re trying to big note yourself by getting me to admit that the film is garbage.”

Matt:     “I don’t need you to admit it.  The film is garbage.  All the best jokes are given away in the trailer and the only scene I can remember laughing in was the one with you and the dialect coach.”

Steve:   “You have to admit that was a good scene.”

Matt:     “Ok, I will.  But 2 minutes of entertainment and 91 minutes of farcical nonsense isn’t what I paid money to see.  Do you read the script before signing on?”

Steve:   “Don’t insult me.  I wrote the screenplay with my friend Len Blum.  He’s written some other great films such as Howard Stern’s Private Parts, Beethoven’s 2^nd and Meatballs 3.  We did some good work on this film.”

Matt:     “Is there any reason why the film was pulled from the American summer schedule last year to be released at this notoriously dead time of the year?”

Steve:   “Don’t you read the papers?  Last June, Sony told everyone that the release was delayed for 6 months because they ‘wanted to give our marketing department the time and opportunity to launch this very important franchise.’”

Matt:     “That’s right, I remember that.  I’m surprised Sony couldn’t come up with a better excuse.  It’s pretty weak if you ask me.”

Steve:   “I don’t have to sit here and take this.”

Matt:     “Sorry Steve.  I’m just disappointed that you’d star in such a dismal movie when I remember you so fondly from more adventurous comedies such as Parenthood, L.A. Story and The Jerk.”

Steve:   “That’s your opinion and whilst I respect it, I’m not going to sit here and rubbish my own film.”

Matt:     “Well I will.  The Pink Panther is a joke and easily one of the worst comedies of 2006.  Steve Martin, thanks again for joining us.”

Steve:   “F*** you.”