Directed by: Simon Wincer
Written by:Matthew Berry, Eric Abrams
Starring: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, Jere Burns, Jonathan Banks
Released: April 12, 2001
Grade: C-

Someone had to be desperate to come up with this.  Crocodile Dundee 2 was released back in 1988 (following the release of the original in 1986) and both were smash hits at both home and abroad (each topping $100m in the States).  Times have changed though and why Universal Pictures would revive this series is beyond me.

The script is pitiful and I will name both Matthew Berry and Eric Abrams as those responsible (along with Paul Hogan) in the hope they will never work in Hollywood again.  In this “adventure”, Mick Dundee (Hogan) and his long time companion Sue Charlton (Kozlowski) now own a pub in the Northern Territory outback.  Sue gets a call from her father asking her to come to Los Angeles for a few weeks.  It seems an employee at his publishing company has died and he needs Sue to fill in while he looks for a permanent replacement.

So off they head to L.A. with their son Mike (played by George Negus’s 9-year-old son Serge Cockburn).  Once there, Sue quickly picks up the pieces and uncovers a big story (believe it or not).  A string of really bad movies are being made by a new studio company.  The first film flopped, the sequel went straight to video and somehow a third movie is in the works.  Curious as to how the studio can remain open, Sue investigates, uncovers a conspiracy and with Mick going undercover as an extra in the film, she’ll soon find out the truth behind the mystery.

With every film like this I see, I develop an even bigger appreciation for the Austin Powers films.  I don’t know why film studios pursue with over the top supervillans given that Dr. Evil has taken the mickey out of all those that have gone before.  Somehow, these ludicrous storylines continue to haunt us as seen here and in the recent Miss Congeniality.

I am not taking this film too seriously.  Anyone who says “oh, it’s just a bit of fun” deserves a slap across the face and a good hosing down.  When someone makes a bad joke, you don’t laugh just because you’re supposed to.  I never laughed once and there were stages in the first half hour where I was tempted to just get up and walk out (for those that have seen the film, a scene in a spa bath caps off what I’m talking about).  The acting was dreadful and the jokes so lame.  Spontaneity has no meaning.

Don’t even get me started on the culture issue.  Australians do not walk around in akubras all day.  Australians do not wrestle crocodiles for a living.  Australians do not serve nothing but beer in pubs.  Australians are not idiots who cannot understand anything about America.  Do we feel satisfied portraying such an image to the world?  Maybe ten years ago but aren’t we better than that now.

If you need supporting evidence, check out the documentary, Cunnamulla, which screened recently in Brisbane.  Could you imagine how shocked Americans would be to find out what really goes on the outback.  Desolate towns filled with doll bludgers, deadbeats, criminals and 13-year-olds having sex.  That is our true culture, whether we like it or not.

That is all I have to say.  I am sorry to have wasted your time in having to read this but it serves a purpose - to make sure you don’t see Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.  I rest my case.