Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 28 April 2002

To be honest, I can’t remember much of the screenplay.  During this part of the review I go through a detailed description of the plot but with all the strange character and place names, I’m struggling to piece it together in a word form.  But the essence of the story is the same as most every action film that has gone before.  There’s a good guy.  There’s the good guy’s wacky sidekick.  There’s the bad guy.  There’s the bad guy’s girl who gets won by the good guy.  There’s about 10,000 pawns who get killed in the process (none of whom matter).  Have I forgotten anything?

The Scorpion King relies solely on sound effects editing to create the illusion of action.  Like a WWF show (which are on Foxtel way too much these days), it’s all fake and phony.  I’m sure when someone has a sword driven through their body, it doesn’t usually make a horrible squelching sound but when you do it in a movie, it somehow gives people the impression it is real.

The Rock has a presence on screen and I can see he has novelty appeal but I’ll easily tire if he keeps dishing up such films (which he will).  As the Jean-Claude Van Dammes, Sylvester Stallones and Dolph Lungrens have shown us, action stars who aren’t willing to diversify have a very limited shelf life.  Michael Clarke Duncan (The Green Mile) is the most high-profile actor of the cast but you wouldn’t believe he’s a previous Academy Award nominee from his stale performance.

There’s plenty of big holes.  The most obvious is a scene towards the beginning when The Rock has been buried up to his neck and about to be attacked by killer ants.  He is rescued by his friend but what is never explained is how his friend escaped or how he saved The Rock in time.  With such little appeal to me, why bother continuing...

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 25 April 2002

Matt’s brother, John (Trese), happens to be a priest and on the verge of lent, he indirectly gives him an idea to solve his sexual problems.  No sex of any kind for 40 days and 40 nights.  And that’s not all.  No kissing, touching, biting, no fooling around, and no masturbation of any kind.

The journey begins and early on, he meets the alluring Erica (Sossamon) at the local laundromat.  They develop an instant connection and even spend a day together but Matt finds himself having to withdraw from what would have been a very intimate kiss and Erica is left confused.  At the computer company where Matt works, his colleagues have created and marketed a web-site where people from all over the world can bet on what day he will crack and the pot is now in excess of $15,000.

40 Days & 40 Nights spirals downhill at a monumental pace.  Hartnett was solid in his dramatic leading role in Black Hawk Down but this comedic performance highlights his limitations.  It’s such a stupid character and he looks like a drug addict during the final 10 days as he struggles to keep his hand off it.  The effects of his quest for denial seem to be just a little exaggerated.  The rest of the screenplay follows like clockwork and everything happens as you would expect.

The film has been made by Working Title Films.  I love their films as they have an intelligently comedic class and don’t usually lower themselves to toilet-like humour.  Previous Working Title comedy credits include The Big Lebowski, Billy Elliot, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Fargo, Four Weddings And A Funeral and Notting Hill.  As additional evidence that this film doesn’t match the quality of the above mentioned productions, 40 Days & 40 Nights has struggled at the box-office with a lukewarm $37m after being belted by We Were Soldiers during its opening weekend.

I usually find it difficult to harness the energy to write something decent for such an ordinary film so there you have it.  It’s the best your going to get.  Lent may have already passed but that still doesn’t mean you can abstain from seeing 40 Days & 40 Nights.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 25 April 2002

Joe Scheffer (Allen) has worked at the same job for over 10 years.  He’s one of those guys who always does the hard work and always puts in the overtime but never gets noticed or rewarded.  He’s just another goldfish in the bowl.  Recent events have left him questioning whether he’s achieved what he wanted out of life.  His wife Meg (Bowen) has divorced him and their daughter, Natalie, appears to be suffering from the separation.  Further, he’s been promised a promotion for over a year and the firm is not delivering.

But the simplest events often have a way of changing one’s life.  In the work carpark with his daughter, Joe is frustrated to see an employee, Mark McKinney (Patrick Warburton), park where he is not allowed.  Deciding to confront him, Joe is hit by Mark and feels the embarrassment of having the incident seen by many fellow colleagues and more importantly, his daughter.  He skips work for a few days and confines himself to his house but is rescued by a new office friend, Meg (Harper) who insists he return.

Back at the office, Joe is now a celebrity.  Everyone wants to meet the guy who stood up to Mark and he now finds he’s been included in everything from which he was previously excluded.  His status grows even more when he challenges Mark to a rematch in two weeks back in the office carpark and the whole office is now buzzing.  So to toughen up, he sees martial arts “expert” Chuck Scartt (Belushi) to give him a few lessons.

It’s familiar material but there are a few nice touches along the way to keep things fresh.  For example, Joe’s daughter shows nice intelligence.  When Joe spends time with his new “girlfriend” Meg, she didn’t go through the whole “I want you and mommy to get back together” dramas.  Further, when her dad gets tickets to a basketball game and doesn’t invite or even tell her, she doesn’t get upset.

I’m sure a few people will be able to relate to parts of Joe’s story.  There are so many quiet, hardworking people in this world who don’t get noticed because they are overshadowed by those with the bigger mouths.  Hopefully, the film Joe Somebody won’t get overshadowed itself by other, shallower releases.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 18 April 2002

The best example I can recall was a nerve racking experience on January 9, 1998.  The film was Spice World.  I sat in the second front row in an audience of teenage girls who were left spellbound by this cinematic masterpiece.  For me, I couldn’t crawl deep enough into my chair.

Now, four years later, I find myself once again at a similar “crossroad” in my life.  The terms Britney Spears and actress do not belong in the same sentence.  Having seen the trailers, I can already conclude that Crossroads will comfortably be one of the great debacles in movie history.  The film was created solely a vehicle for Spears.  Realising her marketing potential, Paramount Pictures crafted this crap just to get her on screen for 90 minutes and bring in the bucks.  In an era when independent filmmakers are struggling to get quality films released, one studio is willing to spend $12m on a film revolving around a 20-year-old girl who has never acted before in her life.

To help people appreciate the stupidity of the “story”, here’s the plot summary from the film’s actual website - “Crossroads in the story of three childhood friends, Lucy, Kit and Mimi, who after eight years apart, rediscover their friendship on a cross-country trip.  With barely a plan, practically no money but plenty of dreams, the girls catch a lift with Mimi’s handsome, mysterious friend Ben in his ’73 Buick convertible.  Along the way they not only gather experiences that will change their lives forever, but they also discover how important it is to hold onto their hearts’ desires.”  Does that make you feel as sick as I do?

Am I alone in doubting this film?  I think not.  The public can give any film a score out of 10 at the Internet Movie Database and with over 2,000 votes received, the average score for Crossroads is 2.5 (and that includes 14% of the die-hard votes giving the film a score of 10).  Maybe they also feel reluctant at having a teen pop star who has lived on easy street her whole life preach us lessons about how tough life can be.

The problem now is that I have to find the courage to see this film.  I was thinking about a Monday morning 10am session but even at that time of the day, am I safe from been seen?  Being a film critic isn’t all it cracked up to be.

Footnote:  I have now seen the film.  I was given free tickets and offered them to a bum on the street who promptly spat in my face.  I deserved it.  All I want to add is that Britney looks like plastic, the audience laughed during all the emotional scenes and yes, this is the worst film of the year.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 25 April 2002

I’m not a war historian but this battle in Vietnam took place at the Valley Of Death on November 14, 1965.  It effectively began the involvement of the United States in the war and Lt. Col. Hal Moore (played in the film by Mel Gibson) led 400 inexperienced U.S. soldiers into battle against 2,000 of the enemy.

If you need some juicing up, here’s a quote Gibson spouts early in the film - “We are moving into the Valley of the Shadow of Death where you will watch the back of the man next to you, as he will watch yours, and you won’t care what color he is, or by what name he calls God.  We are going into battle against a tough and determined enemy.  I can’t promise you that I will bring you all home alive.  But this I swear... when we go into battle, I will be the first to step on the field and I will be the last to step off.  And I will leave no one behind... dead or alive.”

I wasn’t even slightly stirred by the above speech.  We Were Soldiers does lack passion despite the war scenes being very brutal and graphic.  Black Hawk Down had an added dimension in that it was a film about war but also a film about commradery.  This just felt like just a plain old war flick.  The purpose of battle was lost and it became a movie where the Americans must “win” at all cost.  I’d love to see Americans make a film where they all get butchered by the enemy and see if it makes the same gross at the box-office.

There’s too much melodrama with the film crossing back and forth from Vietnam to a military base in America where the wives are left waiting.  We see their painful reactions on learning that their husbands have been killed but these scenes are too small to be significant.  They weren’t needed.  Further, the ending is too long and unnecessarily drags out the battle’s aftermath.

The film still has a lot going for it.  Director Randall Wallace has had an interesting career.  He was nominated for an Oscar in 1995 for writing Braveheart.  He was also nominated for a Golden Razzie in 2001 for writing Pearl Harbour.  I guess the two kind of cancel each other out - one good for one bad.  Wallace also directed 1998’s The Man In The Iron Mask.  It seems Wallace likes to avoid modern settings in making his movies.

Mel Gibson puts up a good show and was recently in Australia to promote the film for its Anzac Day release.  Performances are hard to appreciate in that there’s so much noise and camera movement but Chris Klein also stood out.  Of the camera work, I liked the nice touch of the blood drops splattering on the camera lens - a small and effective technique.

We Were Soldiers is worth a look but I think instead of being shocked and horrified, we’re starting to yawn when confronted by repetitive violence and Yank-themed storylines.